Jul
23
Road trippin with Woody
July 23, 2008 | 11 Comments
Since this is Yankee Stadium’s final season, Woody thought we should make a road trip to see it before the last game. Since I had nothing better to do I agreed. I know I’ve been slacking majorly with the blog lately so I thought I’d keep a running diary of the trip for both of you who might be interested. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Day 1 – Tuesday, July 15
2:03 PM We’re finally on the road after a quick stop at Kum & Go and a trip back home. I probably only forgot about 20 things.
2:08 Already hit road construction. I thought the TomTom was supposed to avoid this.
2:33 First stop of the trip. Had to stop at Target to get a new camera. My last one melted.
3:03 Add a sweatshirt and a cooler to the list of things I forgot. But I did get a splitter so we can run the TomTom, the iPod, and charge the phones at the same time. Woody thinks he’s in a cockpit with all the technology.
4:26 Miller Lite is ordered for the bar. Nothing to worry about now but driving. Only 4 more hours to Chicago according to TomTom.
4:54 First near-death experience. I guess the trucker didn’t see us and wanted to take his half out of the middle.
5:15 First gas stop. $46.06 in Davenport. The hottie cashier DOES NOT want to go with us to New York. Can’t blame her actually. Woody is kind of scary looking.
6:18 Illinois looks a lot like Iowa only they don’t mow their ditches. And there aren’t any towns on the interstate. After the Quad Cities you have Chicago. That’s it.
6:24 “An ounce off your shoe is 55 pounds off your back.” Nike Zoom Victory with Flywire technology.
6:35 Just saw a sign for Woody’s Steakhouse. Mmm…steak! And there’s a sign for Brown Bag Video. Mmm…porn!
6:47 Woody made his first illegal cell call while he was driving. Apparently this is against the law in Illinois. Or maybe just Chicago.
8:05 We’re in Chicago. Traffic sucks. I’m glad Woody is driving. (This will become a theme as the trip goes on.)
8:30 First beer down and pizza on the way. We decided to stay with friends along the way to save some $$ so tonight we’re staying with our old classmate Abby Sloss.
8:47 Woody just spilled pizza all over his only pair of shorts. Finding him a girlfriend is getting tougher and tougher.
Day 2 – Wednesday, July 16
8:21 AM Up and at ‘em.
9:16 Back in the car and on the road. A quick recap of last night: 15 inning All-Star game, a few beers at Abby’s then a few at the Burwood. Good times. No chicks for Woody yet.
9:25 Traffic sucks.
9:39 There’s Comiskey Park or US Cellular Field or whatever it’s called these days. This is where the Royals will take 2 of 3 from the White Sox this weekend.
9:58 Indiana. It smells like garbage here.
10:36 The roads suck. We’re going to spend all the money we’re saving on hotels on new tires. This feels like driving in Missouri.
10:57=>11:57 We just changed time zones. It doesn’t really feel any later though.
12:26 PM $42.50 in gas in West Lafayette. The clerk is smoking while she takes our money. There are definitely no smoking nazis in Indiana.
12:30 This town doesn’t look like much. I’m glad I didn’t go to Purdue.
1:18 Downtown Indianapolis. It isn’t nearly as uncomfortable here was it was in Gary, Indiana.
1:30 We picked up our buddy Elden Whetstone. He looks underfed.
2:49 Done with lunch at the Ram Brewery. Our waitress was kind of grumpy, but maybe that was because I made her take back my burger because it had a pickle on it. Hey, I asked for no extracurriculars! The food was still marginal, but the beer was excellent. “Like our beer? Try our gear!” I didn’t get a shirt though. Five hours to Wheeling, West Virginia.
3:54 What’s round on the outside and hi in the middle? Ohio. Get it?
4:18 Dayton. I knew a girl who went to school here. She said it was fun. No time to find out though, maybe next time.
4:32 Did you know Clark County, Ohio is the birthplace of 4-H? This is a fascinating trip so far.
5:24 Another gas and potty stop, this time outside of Columbus for $24.16. The condom machine in the bathroom said “Insert body for refund.” I lost $2 on a scratch ticket. This is the beginning of an ugly trend for me on this trip.
5:33 It’s rush hour in Columbus. I need to call cousin Ryan on the way back and have a beer so we miss this traffic.
7:32 West Virginia. Yay!
7:47 We made it to Trent and Nancy Sturm’s house, and they have wings and beer waiting for us. It’s like they read our minds.
12:53 AM We’re out of beer and I’m going to bed.
Day 3 – Thursday, July 17
12:23 PM We’re watching the British Open. This isn’t very good golf. It’s actually pretty boring without Tiger. Woody turned 29 today. We’ll probably have some more wings and some more beers to celebrate.
4:14 Back from TJ’s where we had a few birthday beers. Three beers + the heat = nap time!
4:26 Scratch the nap. We’re watching Springer where a transexual girl lost her boyfriend to her ugly, slutty neighbor. I think Woody has a crush on the girl who used to be a guy. This might be the highlight of the trip so far!
8:50 I’m getting a haircut from Steph Sturm, the Zohan of Pittsburgh. It’s the best haircut I’ve ever had and I didn’t even have to pay the $30.
Day 4 – Friday, July 18
11:35 AM Showered and ready for lunch. Watching more bad golf. Recap of last night: Old buddy Joe Sturm met us at the Alpha for a couple beers. Woody won $50 on a bar slot machine, and we decided to go feed the hunger. I lost $125 at the Wheeling Island Casino. Was up $30 early but of course couldn’t pull myself away. There are no Denny’s restaurants in Wheeling and the Perkins closes at midnight. I needed some food to drown my sorrows.
12:50 PM Lunch at Uncle Pete’s overlooking the majestic Ohio River. The grilled cheese was fantastic and the wings were good too. I think I can see the damn casino from here.
2:59 We’re sitting at a campsite at the Jamboree in the Hills just outside of Wheeling. It’s basically 4 days of drinking and watching country music at somebody’s farm. I swear a pink flamingo just started talking. I’m definitely coming back for this next year!
6:45 Leaving Jambo and going back to Sturm’s. Woody wanted to stay and watch more girls in bikinis. I kinda did too, but don’t tell Rose.
6:50 I’m trying to work my dog whisperer magic on Nugget but not having much luck. If you stop rubbing his belly he will try to beat you to death with his tail.
9:29 “We got a huge stack of wet wipes over here.” – Woody
“Actually those are sugar packets.” – Joe
10:04 I had a contest with Joe on the stuffed animal claw game. After about $11 we were tied at 1. But I did beat him 46-45 on the little kids’ pop-a-shot game. I’m getting competitive and it makes me want to get my money back from the casino.
12:01 AM Happy birthday Lindsay!
12:06 We’re back from the Island. I won $200 tonight! Addiction level is at DEFCON 3.
12:10 We’re watching Rob and Big on MTV2 again. I’m quickly becoming addicted to this show too.
12:58 Woody is walking around without a shirt. “Get a bandaid cuz I’m cut!” he says. We laugh at him, not with him.
Day 5 – Saturday, July 19
10:45 AM Said goodbye to Joe and Trent, and we’re on the road to Bedford, New York. TomTom says we’re 8 hours away.
10:55 $32.76 in gas at Sheetz. Ready to get back on I-70.
11:12 We cross into Pennsylvania. It’s pretty exciting.
11:30 Just bought our Yankee tickets from some former scalper colleagues in New Jersey. We’ll be sitting up top close to the heavens. My Jesus Loves the Royals shirt should be appropriate.
11:45 We just drove past the California exit. Apparently we got turned around somewhere.
11:59 The speed limit here is 55. Woody is going crazy.
12:07 PM On the Pennsylvania turnpike. The speed limit is 65 and Woody is still going crazy.
1:06 We stop at Sbarro’s for lunch and to check my email to see if we have the tickets yet. Of course there’s no internet access and the pizza was marginal. Back on the road.
2:04 PA has lots of tunnels under these so-called mountains. You aren’t supposed to wear sunglasses when you drive through them. I did.
3:55 We pit stop in Bethlehem, PA for gas and gummy worms. $41.25 on gas this time. There are no mangers here.
4:18 New Jersey border. It looks about like every other state so far.
4:26 We witness a not-so-high-speed chase with a cop and a Budget rent-a-truck. It’s not quite OJ but it’s enough excitement to last us for a while.
5:08 We’re a stone’s throw from NYC. I can see the Empire State building. There is LOTS of traffic considering it’s Saturday afternoon. This is some crazy shit.
5:20 There’s the new Giants Stadium. Still a long way to go.
6:14 Just saw my first ever Rolls Royce. I think I want one.
6:15 Now we’re in Connecticut. We will actually go from NY to CT a few times on this last leg of today’s trip. The TomTom took us through the city and its glorious traffic. My nerves are fried and I wasn’t even driving.
Day 6 – Sunday, July 20 GAME DAY
8:25 AM We’re on the way to the train station just a couple blocks from our hotel, the Holiday Inn Express in Mt. Kisco, NY. Recap of last night/yesterday evening: Saw Woody’s old house in Bedford. Drove around and saw the sights, the bus stop, the theater, the hardware store. Nostalgia at its finest. Couldn’t find Jennifer Roach anywhere, however. Found a hotel in Mt. Kisco, about 5 miles away. We had supper and a few beers at the hotel bar where they were holding a disco party and an “I’m old and single and available” combo party. Woody was the most attractive guy in the room by far, but I guess he isn’t looking for a sugar momma from NY.
5:00 PM We’re back at the train station in Mt. Kisco after watching a 2-1 Yankees win. The day went like this: train ride to Harlem at 8:40 AM, subway ride to Yankee Stadium, breakfast at McDonald’s by the stadium, stop at a sports bar and get told they aren’t serving beer yet, walk around the stadium, witness a murder*, see about 50 scalpers, enter the stadium, watch batting practice, melt in the 100 degree heat, find out you can’t get a beer before noon on Sundays in NY, wait til noon and have a warm beer for $9.50, see first pitch at 1:10, see Rudy Guliani and John McCain in their seats, listen to a loud and obnoxious New Yorker behind us for 6 innings, see a guy try to use his fake leg to catch a foul ball, leave early to catch our train and get the hell out of the heat, subway wrong direction, change cars and go right direction, wait half hour at train station for ride back to Mt. Kisco.
*It wasn’t a murder in the typical fashion. We were sitting outside the stadium waiting for the gates to open when we saw a little birdie hopping toward us. It might have been blind or the guy walking might have been blind but either way the birdie and the man’s foot connected. The bird was punted about 6 feet away and as soon as it landed, SPLAT, another guy’s foot crushed the poor little birdie and flattened him on the sidewalk. Being the sick individuals that we are, we sat and watched as about 20 more people stepped on the blood and guts. One girl even stepped on it just right and it gushed up over the edge of her sandal and touched her foot. It was pretty gross, but it was like a train wreck–I couldn’t stop looking!
5:17 We set a new record for highest price paid per gallon of gas at $4.73 for a total of $26.60. Where the hell is I-80? Let’s get out of here.
5:56 We’re sitting on the George Washington Bridge. I’m about to get out and jump. Traffic is…you guessed it…shitty.
7:25 Supper tonight is at a Panera somewhere in New Jersey. The food is pretty good, but the scenery is pretty boring. TomTom says we’re about 8 hours from Columbus, Ohio.
8:00 We’re back in Pennsylvania. Hooray!
8:47 We just listened to Mitch Hedberg on the iPod, now it’s time for some southern rock. A few more hours tonight then we’ll find a hotel.
9:10 Hold me closer Tony Danza. Actually it’s “Tiny Dancer” but nobody is really listening anway.
9:23 We found another casino instead, the Hollywood Casino in the middle of nowhere, PA. Woody +$60, Nate +$46.
Day 7 – Monday, July 21
9:53 AM We stayed at another Holiday Inn Express last night. We were riding the elevator up with a lady when it stopped on the 3rd floor. Our room was on the 4th floor. She started walking out, turned around and put her hand on Woody’s chest and screamed “HEY! This is the 3rd floor!” No shit lady, is that why it says 3 up there? Bitch.
9:55 $43.00 in gas at BP then breakfast at McDonald’s. Now we’re off for Columbus.
12:35 PM Well…we got a little sidetracked. We were driving past the Island in Wheeling and we decided to stop again. This place is taunting us.
1:27 I hate the Island. Woody +$60, Nate -$100.
2:30 We just heard on the radio that you can get a fish pedicure at a Washington salon. Apparently you put your feet in a fish tank full of carp and they slurp the dead skin off. Yummy! We’re thinking about turning around.
3:04 Ohio has a law that says you get a $50 fine if you’re caught doing the robot while driving. Lucky for Woody he didn’t get caught.
3:35 We made it to Columbus and found Ryan’s apartment. Time for a super-late lunch.
6:38 Back on the road. We ate at a place called the Rusty Bucket. Great name and great food. The mac & cheese and chicken noodle soup were amazing. Beer was good too. On to Indy.
6:55 $38.60 in gas at BP. This is starting to get expensive.
11:37 We (finally) found a casino in Indianapolis called Indiana Live. We cleaned it out. Woody +$120, Nate +$185. Google was about 200 miles off the first casino we tried. That guy gave us a funny look when we knocked on his door and asked where the slot machines were. We were kind of excited for a $139 room attached to the casino, but had to settle for this football stadium looking place and its grand opening. We liked it. Whetstone didn’t want to meet us there though. Apparently lawyers have curfews. Off towards Peoria and the riverboat there tomorrow.
12:44 AM Checked into another Holiday Inn Express a little west of Indy. $39.00 more in gas at Shell and a quick burger at Steak n Shake. It’s starting to storm outside. Maybe it will wash the NY stink off the car.
Day 8 – Tuesday, July 22
10:52 AM We slept in today. Now we’re going to lunch. Then we’re destroying Peoria.
11:34 I just finished my Taco Bell cheese roll-up and we’re enjoying the Thompson Twin’s “Hold Me Now.” Life doesn’t get much better than this!
11:53 Shelton Fireworks in Indiana claims to be the world’s largest fireworks store. Is there a Guinness category for this? How do they know? [I looked at the Guinness site. They don't say anything about this!]
10:57 Back to central time.
11:14 Old-school Jewel is on the radio. The goals of this road trip are now complete.
11:27 The University of Illinois campus looks shitty. My college choice is still looking good.
11:48 Illinois must be the home of bad personalized plates. WLDWMN7
11:53 RSTYNL1
12:36 PM BELUGA
12:41 NALWAYS
12:47 RUBNCH4
12:50 The riverboat in Peoria is called Par-a-dice. We’re taking all their money.
1:54 Don’t confuse Par-a-dice with actual paradise unless your last name is Woodson. Woody +$100, Nate -$110. It would have been worse but I won $60 on my last spin. I hate casinos, I hate personalized plates, and I hate Illinois.
2:10 BREZE9
2:28 I forgot to mention…the lady at the counter of the hotel last night absolutely LOVED my John Cena shirt.
2:29 Security on the boat was a bitch. They ran our licenses through all sorts of tests and scanners and had to get out a book of out-of-state licenses to compare. The guy told me my birthday looked a little smudged like I tried to fake it or something and I might want to get a new one. I felt like a terrorist before I even got on the boat. He completely ruined my state of mind. I blame him.
3:14 LYTE9
3:19 Back in Iowa. Thank you Jesus.
4:13 Gas in Iowa City for $46. Ugh. We’re considering stopping at Prairie Meadows.
6:28 I’m swearing off gambling forever. Woody -$60, Nate -$121.
6:46 Woody is having a breakdown. “F*ck Prairie Meadows! F*ck the car in front of us! F*ck the car we’re in! F*ck Buddy for not answering his phone! F*ck Prairie Meadows again! F*ck it all! I need a beer!” We’re going to Bradley’s.
11:04 The bucket of oles from Taco John’s isn’t quite enough food, but we don’t have a lot of options. They locked us in at 11:00. It’s time to go home.
11:29 Stuart. This trip is officially over. It will be labeled a complete success.
Grand totals
- Miles driven: about 2800
- Spent on gas: $380.93
- Spent on Yankees tickets: $180
- Gambling results: Woody: Up considerably, Nate: -$25 (approximately)
- Dead birds: 1
That’s about it. Stay tuned for a Vegas trip in February.
Comments
11 Comments so far
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Nate, your trips always sound so fun. From those of us who cannot make the time, thanks for letting us in on the daily events. Almost like being there. Maybe uninvited, but still there.
Hey, keep it coming….if you’ve been there, it’s a gas…if you haven’t it still is.
Nate, you ROCK! Can’t wait for Vegas. Very entertaining, colorful, funny, etc. This is really a breath of fresh air from the blogging crap we have become accustomed to. I’d advise anyone wanting a good read to tune in. Thanks for sharing.
Lol. You didnt spend very much on gas – I wonder if I can drive to Cali. in April for that much..
probably not – I’ll just fly. =/
ps- The trip sounded fun.
That was hilarious reading. Thanks for the smile and laugh.
Glad you boys had a good time!
you sent back a burger because it had a pickle on it? You are a fuckin prick.. I would expect more from someone in the service industry. Next time heres what you do.. take the pickle off and set it on a napkin. Thats something an old rich asshole would do. I would have thrown a glass of water in your face and pissed on your plate.
however you redeemed yourself by posting that awesome picture of Eldon Whetstone.
“9:58 Indiana. It smells like garbage here.”
must be all the Bibles. Purdue is the only public university in the US to say a prayer over the PA before football games.
Glad to see I made the blog. I believe that picture is a little close for anyone’s comfort.
I agree with Monsma. You can be assured the waitress did something unspeakable to your sandwich. (Also for all you 5 readers out there, the pickle was not on the sandwich but was only on the side of the plate.)
In my wife’s defense, I’m not underfed, I just no longer eat McDonald’sesque food 6 times a week like most Stuart residents. My body is still trying to recover from working at that place for 5 years. All the free McD’s food you can eat is not as good as it sounds.
[...] trip anyone? I’m ready for another one, but remembering my trip to NYC with Woody will have to tide me [...]