Mar

23

Not good enough for The Herald

March 23, 2006 |

originally written 2/11/06

I finally did it. I bowled my first 600 series. Like a .300 batting average or par on the golf course, a 600 is thought by many to separate the boys from the men. At the ripe old age of 26 I’m proud to say that I’m finally a man. If anyone is wondering how I got there, it went like this: 182-216-256. I can honestly say there have been very few times when I’ve been in a zone like that last game. This goes right up there with the no-hitter I threw in Little League or the layup I made off a no-look pass from everybody’s second favorite columnist Steve. But don’t get your hopes up yet of seeing me on TV with the PBA tour anytime soon. Last night (Friday) I walked into the alley still brimming with confidence from my performance just a few days ago and immediately went in the tank and rolled a 140. Maybe I should just stick to gambling on sports instead of trying to play them.

Speaking of my fledgling gambling career, let me advise everyone not to bet on the coin toss. It’s not a wise choice. Here’s a quick Super Bowl story for you: After I left the office around 5:00 I went to have a few drinks and watch the game. I strolled up to the bar and found myself next to a striking little hottie name Brittany. The conversation went something like this:
Me: “Hey.”
Her: “Hey back.”
Me: “Are you here to watch the game?”
Her: “Yes.”
Me: “I bet $100 on the coin toss landing on heads.”
TV Announcer: “Tails.”
Me: “[choice 4-letter word]”
Her: “Loser.”

She got up and moved to a different barstool while I was left alone (again) and with yet another bad bet in my portfolio. But wait! This time I have a solution (to the money side at least. The girl situation is a little trickier). I sold my pair of tickets to the new Arena Football team’s home opener and found myself with $150 in my pocket. Looking into my crystal ball, I see a trip to Harrah’s Casino in the near future. In the immortal words of Michael Douglas’ Wall Street character Gordon Gekko, “It’s all about bucks, kid. The rest is conversation.”


Comments

1 Comment so far

    Elli on March 23, 2006 8:36 pm

  1. I don’t understand why this wasn’t in the Stuart Herald! Great job as usual! I’ll have to get my dad, your biggest fan, to read it!

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